Embracing Darkness: A Journey of Faith

“I have learned things in the dark that I could never have learned in the light things that have saved my life over and over again so that there is really only one logical conclusion. I need darkness as much as I need light.”

Barbara Brown Taylor – Learning to Walk in the Dark

Darkness.

Very few people actually like being in the dark. From an early age, we’re scared of the dark because of the things we can’t see. Our minds make up figures and shadows, creating an atmosphere of fear and uncertainty.

As a person with blindness, darkness sometimes comes almost second nature to me. I don’t often turn on lights when moving around at night; I stumble through the darkness, yet I make it.

My faith journey begins in the dark. Born three months early, I faced significant medical challenges, including Retinopathy of Prematurity, which left me without sight in my right eye. Growing up, I navigated through life with limited vision, relying on thick glasses or contacts. Darkness was a constant companion, shaping my experiences and my faith.

Over the years, I’ve come to understand that darkness isn’t inherently bad. It just is. In the dark, I’ve learned to trust, to hope, and to find strength. My journey has ebbed and flowed between periods of darkness and light, teaching me that both are essential to my faith.

The Ebbs and Flows

Life is a series of ebbs and flows, moving between moments of darkness and light. One of the most challenging periods of darkness for me was during my teenage years. As I struggled with depression and anxiety, I often felt like I was trapped in a never-ending night. The pressures of balancing life between two households, coupled with the typical teenage turmoil, left me feeling overwhelmed and isolated.

During one particularly dark period, I remember feeling completely lost. The comforting passages of scripture that had once brought me solace seemed distant and ineffective. I questioned the presence of God in my life and wondered if I would ever find my way out of the darkness.

It was during this time that I encountered moments of light, often in unexpected places. One such moment came from a nurse named Cathy during my second stay in an adolescent psychiatric center. It was nighttime, and I was struggling with my chemistry homework. Cathy sat down on my bed and helped me study, providing not just academic support but emotional reassurance. She said, “You’re going to be okay, you know. I don’t know how it will work out, but I know you’re going to be okay.” Her words were a flicker of hope in the midst of my darkness.

Another significant moment of light came from my therapist, Ernie. He told me, “You know, Travis, you’re like a cat that is all alone and stuck up in a tree waiting for the fire department people to come with the ladder to get it down. One day you’re going to be the one with the ladder getting other people to come down.” This analogy struck a chord with me. Despite my struggles, he saw potential and hope in my future.

A Relatable Example

Many people have experienced moments where life feels overwhelming, where hope seems distant, and the path forward is unclear. These periods of darkness can take many forms: a loss, a failure, a period of intense stress or anxiety. During these times, it can feel as though the light has completely disappeared.

However, it’s often in these dark moments that we discover our deepest reserves of strength and hope. Think about a time when you faced a significant challenge. Perhaps it was the loss of a job, the end of a relationship, or a personal health crisis. In those moments, finding hope can seem impossible. Yet, looking back, you might realize that it was during those darkest times that you learned the most about yourself and your capacity for resilience.

For me, the darkness taught me to rely on my faith, to seek out the light in small, everyday moments, and to trust that even the deepest night would eventually give way to dawn. My faith journey has shown me that hope is not the absence of darkness but the ability to find light within it.

Join me as I explore the profound lessons learned in the dark and how they have illuminated my path to hope.